Beyond the Armor: Harnessing Emotional Availability for Lasting Growth

As I pondered what to write for this week's blog post, I found myself repeatedly going back to the dilemma of why it is so difficult to take ownership and grow, despite knowing it's a process that is good for us. So this week I tackle a topic that transcends gender and affects the most driven individuals out there: Psychological Armor.

Psychological Armor: What Is It?

Psychological armor isn't a clinical diagnosis—it's a defense, a suite of cognitive, emotional, and psychological barriers we've erected to protect ourselves. It's the stoic part of you that remains polished and controlled under stress, but struggles to turn off when genuine human connection is needed.

The Illusion of Safety

Armor, while providing an initial sense of safety, can come at a hefty price: emotional isolation and misunderstanding. It impedes real intimacy. Like wearing a suit of armor, you might feel invincible, but it also blocks genuine connection. The armor you depend on for protection can ironically keep you isolated, mitigating emotional availability.

Emotional Availability: A New Paradigm

Being emotionally available doesn't mean constantly baring your soul. It's staying present with discomfort and allowing others to see beyond your curated strengths. Emotional availability is about authentic connection—expressing, understanding, and admitting vulnerability without shame.

The High Achiever's Trap

High achievers often fall into traps due to their innate nature. They identify heavily with competence, confuse control with safety, default to fix-it modes, and avoid what can't be optimized. Regulations on emotional expression and analyzing instead of empathizing can become barriers to genuine connection.

Practical Steps for Softening the Armor

1. Name Your Defenses: Awareness is the key. Recognize when you shut down and give your defenses a name to help manage them better.

2. Practice Micro-Vulnerability: Use small admissions like "I don't know" or "I need help" to ease into vulnerability without overwhelming yourself.

3. Replace Judgment with Curiosity: Reframe negative thoughts into opportunities for growth and learning.

4. Invite Safe Mirrors: Surround yourself with people who encourage growth and authenticity.

5. Anchor in Your Body: Stay connected to your feelings. Use breath-work, grounding exercises, or movement to stay present instead of opting for numbing activities.

Conclusion

Remember, psychological armor has helped you reach where you are today. It's a tool, not a permanent shield. Embrace your vulnerability as it doesn't signify weakness but relational strength. This week, challenge yourself to have one conversation where you let go of one piece of your armor. See the transformation in how you connect with others and with yourself.

Your humanity is far more powerful than any facade of perfection.