Men Aren’t Okay: Understanding, Supporting, and Healing Them

June is Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month. In spirit with this, for the month of June I’m diving into a critical topic for Men's Mental Health Awareness Month. This post inaugurates a special four-part series dedicated to addressing the often hidden struggles faced by men.

Introduction to Men's Mental Health Awareness

Men's mental health is personal and pressing, not just for professionals like myself but for every man, son, friend, and trauma survivor carrying silent burdens. This series aims to illuminate these dark corners and drive meaningful action. As psychotherapist Esther Perel once shared, the conversation about men must look at changing the lives of men and women together. Masculinity, often seen as a pillar of strength, is in fact a fragile identity, requiring constant validation, which breeds a profound sense of powerlessness.

“In the conversation about men. We need to highlight that the lives of women will not change until the lives of men change. A lot of our focus is on the power of men, and this notion that masculinity and patriarchy are systems that oppress women. In reality, these oppress everybody, both women and men. In the patriarchy, men can be either powerful or connected, but never both at the same time. In the patriarchy masculinity is spoken as if it is a given, when in fact it is constantly spoken in the imperative, such as “prove you are a man”, “show me you're a man”, ”what kind of man are you?” In the end, if masculinity was such a given, it wouldn't have to prove itself all the time. If it has to prove itself all the time, it is actually a very fragile identity, very hard to acquire, and very easy to lose. So when it comes to the focus on men, the real conversation should be about the powerlessness that men experience.”

The Silent Struggle of Men

The statistics are stark: men in the U.S. die by suicide at four times the rate of women, and account for 75% of annual suicide deaths. Despite suffering significantly, men are notably reluctant to seek mental health support, often resulting in isolation and disconnection. Not just numbers, these are stories of men who struggle to say, "I'm not okay," in a society where vulnerability is misconstrued as weakness.

Stigma and Vulnerability

Stigma thrives as men are conditioned to view vulnerability as shameful and weakness. Many believe in the outdated trope that "real men" are supposed to be stoic and self-reliant. This was a point vividly illustrated when I engaged with my TikTok audience, highlighting the disconnect in men's readiness to share struggles with women, indicating a broader problem with how men perceive emotional openness.

Practical Steps for Men

To dismantle the stigma, we need to normalize the struggle and foster awareness among men that they are not alone. Sharing personal stories, challenging harmful norms, and making mental health help more visible are vital steps. By modeling strength through vulnerability and redefining what true resilience means, we can create a culture where asking for help is a sign of strength.

Supporting Men: A Guide for Women

Women play a critical role as emotional anchors for many men. Therefore, women can support by listening without fixing, posing open-ended questions, and affirming vulnerability. To truly support and understand men, we must acknowledge the complex pressures and societal expectations they face. This involves recognizing that the challenges associated with masculinity and patriarchy impact not only men but society at large. By opening up conversations about the vulnerabilities and mental health struggles men endure, we can foster an environment that encourages authenticity and personal well-being.

Ultimately, by acknowledging the unspoken challenges men face and striving towards a better understanding and support system, we can create a more equitable society. One where change benefits not just women, but everyone collectively.

Until next time, remember that growth is a process, and as always, shift happens.

Note: If you’re interested in podcast episodes that delve deeper into psychological resilience, men's mental health, growth mindset and cultivating your dream life, check out the Unstressed Exec Podcast. 
👉 https://theunstressedexec.podbean.com/